So right now I'm fucking bawling my eyes out coz I'm so fucking scared of myself. I have a serious problem on my hands right now. I'm becoming addicted to Vicodin.

Not good.

Everything seemed to be turning around and I thought that I was finally becoming at least a little bit ok with myself... and now this.

It all came to a head on Tuesday night.

I took four Vicodin and was doing just fine. I was in chat like normal and I was feeling great. I was numb and felt floofy (a word I invented that night) so all was good. Or so I thought... About two hours passed and I started feeling really nauseous. I got really shakey and my vision was getting blurred. I got really scared. I was really freaking out. I couldn't walk right and almost fell down the stairs a few times trying to get water so I could attempt to flush my system quicker. That was seriously one of the scariest experiences I've ever had... And the worst part is that I'm willing to do it again. I'm so tempted to go take some right now... but I won't because I've made a pseudo-promise that I wouldn't.

Gah this all sucks sooo bad.

I just want to be ok...

Someone help me... please... I can't do this alone.

"And if I can rise above this I'll be saved... Can anybody save me?"
From "Tongue" by Seether